Golden dust and dreams - Ireland III - (Belfast - 25-02 / 26-02-2011)

I can still feel the early busy life of the train station hall...and then, the landscapes, unexpected...
Being so far from home brings such a special state of mind..

But I know I have to be there...Like an appointment...Maybe to find answers....or not...
At least to be in the condition of being able to stand back, and to think...and to consider things under a totally new point of view...
What will I find?

The coming out of the station is like a chock...a feeling to be lost, distraught..not knowing whereto start...Not knowing 'how' to start....How am I going to 'meet' the city, its 'heart', its beauties and its pains?....

...Relieved from the burden of my luggage, I suddenly feel as light as a bird...Almost 'gliding' and 'flying' in the streets.....eager, loving, peaceful and free...

Drinking the colors, the smells, the movements of the crowd, the life...
The perfectly aligned streets...Saying so much to me...and the buildings of red brick walls, leaving a unique print in the mind, a feeling that belongs to 'there'...

I know I'd need more time...

....First evening...at the 'Ulster Hall'...

Maybe there could have been  no better way to meet the town..
The magnificence of the place...The organ, throning, majestically on the stage, as if a sacred rite was imminent..
And the almost 'religious' resounding pure voice of the opéra singer...Lifting you higher, for a moment..to a transcendental felicity...

....The pubs....

....grasping you in their arms...Wrapped in the warm, musical, joyful, singing accents..The proximity of the 'whatever' possible...
The dizziness that catches you there doesn't leave you...Growing the thirst bigger...
The thick, dark bitter taste on the tongue...Awakening a blissfull and guilty pleasure...

But yet...the freshness of a new day carries you out again..elsewhere...Still wandering....Still wondering....
Questionning the silent walls, the ghostly mountains in the distance, the faces that I cross...

The 26th is my birthday...here, in Belfast...Strange....And...strangely (and abnormally?) happy with my solitude....

The mind, elevated...
The body, freed..
And not wanting to let this feeling go...

These...
Golden dust and dreams...

Reflections..

Was it
A second birth?
Born
Out of a corrupted sight
Merging
Blinding
In boldness
And evidence

Sweet, soft, sliding
Colorful sins
Guilty, doubtful
And proud
In innocence
Finding their place

Like a long-time
Scattered puzzle

Blurred visions
Of a mistaken mind

Which truth?
Which wisdom?
Which pains?

Self-will
Choosing to choose
My freedom
And my chains

Worshiped
Forbidden
Sublimated
Skin and soul

Surrendering in mastering

Until the smooth
And powerful vision
Of a soul
Liberated from
The shadows on the wall

Breathing..

Time
Got lost
In a breath

Your breath

Your laugh
Unthinkable
Extinguished
Candle

Sacred words

Fatherly said

Looks and silences

Strangling doubts
In loneliness

And words
Unsaid

Passionate
Vital impulses

Your Passions
From your veins
To mine

I
Got lost
When your breath
Faded
In emptiness

Ireland II - Kerry..(22/02/2011)

Leaving Dublin...
I'm on my way to Killarney..
Will be back in two days...

Leaving the city..Toward Kerry...Reaching the swampy fields, the wide green spaces..and mountains in the distance...
Early in the morning...So strange to be here...Thinking about the girls who must be sleeping quietly in their bed, in France...

Reaching Killarney on a soft rainy day..'Jumping' into another world...I usually take quickly my marks in a new place...So lovely..

The atmosphere...ALL changes there..
Two hours walking in the National Park...The soft rain has stopped...

Breathing...Tasting..Living...in an almost quasi solitude...
Just crossing a few people..most of them walking their dog...

A small river and some gardens...strangely curved trees...flowers starting to blossom as the promise of an early coming Spring...

Pushing my body...Pushing  my mind...'Obliging' myself..'Throwing' myself into this world...

(....)

The Warmth of a small coffee shop...Hot coffee and delicious cake...
I love the song on the radio, hummed by this handsome Irish man...
Reading the Irish Times...Exhausted but so happy...

Feeling free...
The next mysterious moment on my fingertips...

Rebirth...

Hurt like Hell
Fallen down
On a tired ground
In the monastic, silent
Familiar antechamber
Of the mind

The Sacred
Guessed
Beyond absurd shadows
To which
A sense
Must be given

Life's bewilderment

The dream
That was dreamt
Caught in a frame
Mistaken
Where all was wrong

Blindness

Dragging
A whole wagon
Of inner
Damnation

Aspiring to
Higher
Transcending
Fulfillment

A faithful
Engagement

Implied
In the dizzy
Twirling ballet

Falling down...

To be born again

Ireland I

A cold sunny morning...

And out of that cold sunny morning, what could have seemed a total loneliness, blossomed into a real sense of freedom...

There...

Solitude, there...

I'm putting down my clothes at your feet...Naked and free...To meet you through the alchemy of a mysterious equation..Timeless...

United with the deep, strong unchanging roots....A strength made of stones, leaves, lakes, flowers and mountains..Impertubably crossed by a constantly changing air...

Light clouds gathered in farandole around the unperturbed mountains...A sense of eternity..Giving to my world a new meaning..A Universal transending feeling...


Some coloured sheeps lost in the bushes..Almost still...planted like stones in the landscapes...

...And the delicious sweetness of being aware of all the possible choices out of there...

I can guess the stake..Experiencing the golden price of Silence...Like a tightrope walker....

Either you fly...Either you die...

I know that standing there is like a gift, all along with the will and the deep breath taken...Conscious of the inner Solitude...Of the cardinal points..and of my own centre of gravity..

The point of balance...

Killarney and the area of Kerry - Ireland - February 2011

Transition...

Mourning my father
Mourning my mother
Mourning my husband
Mourning my lover
Mourning my fingers
Through his hair

Mourning
The touch
The laughter
the cry
Of the elevating
Momentum

Mourning
The Lands
I'll never see

The cut out
Ripped
Insomniac
Dreams

Two Diamonds
Of fragile
Blossoming
Enlightening
A belly
Of desperate
Striving
Freedom

Breathing

My painful
Insightful

Rebirth

Parfum

Il

Distille

Ses mots

Comme une essence rare

De parfum

Mystère

Chaque goutte

Puissante

Saveur unique

De lui

Egale,

Mesurée,

Fatale,

Jusqu'au

Silence

If you forget me ~Pablo Neruda

Some borrowed words...

'The little prince' - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry..
(For we are all little princes thrown into the whirl of this wild wild world..wandering, wondering, loving, laughing, crying, trying to understand, always brought back to the essential feelings of life...D.B)